"Life is a journey. Whenever and wherever you want to go, it's depends on you. Not people around you. All you have to do is just breath and live. Feel the moment."
- Noura R. Winchester -
It's seems ages since I stop wrote in my blog here. I don't know what excuses should I gave to myself anymore. Some how I'm very busy cooping with new situation, or too busy dealing something from past. I tried so many times to say that I am okay with everything that happens for the passed years, but actually i don't. I make myself excuses, that it's not okay to feel sad or weak. That I have to endure everything as long as people don't know about it.
You see, every single person in this world do have problem. Some have problems that more huge than we did, and some not. But the things is, everyone have their own limits. Everyone have their own full stop to endure or absorb the problem in their life. It's doesn't matter if our problem is small and we can't figure it out how to solve it. It's doesn't mean we are failure. The reason is so simple, because everyone have different limits. And it's is for us to find a way to solve the problem. Because, without problem, we never learn.
But, some people do have problems creating hard situation for other. But, they didn't realize that they are what they said (I mean, in bad ways). Like mine. Like I dealing with. Believe me. I'm there. Too much pressure on that place, making me wanna explode. I'm changing into rebel person. And, that is something that I'm not proud of.
I lost my respect to them, too. Because they are acting more than kids nowadays although they are all adults. I have no ideas why they became like that, whether attitude or mind set.
Last week, I was diagnosed with major D. Too much pressure that I kept inside me, as I don't realize it's harm me slowly day by day. I talked to my close friends about it. Like Caroline, and some more. But, most of them, didn't pay attention on what I am saying. And also fail to recognize differences between stress and major D. They tend to judge me. And that's make me overwhelming.
Thank god, I do have Caroline and Faiz, my close friends that really stick me for this emergency time. And I do have my housemates to help me fight the major D.
I'm very grateful for Allah s.w.t. because He send Mr. and Mrs. Zack to help me, advise me when I lost my ways. Mr. Zack asked me to write blog, again... and to distract me on what have I felt lately. Writing is my passion. And reading too. But, all duel respect, I have lost it all. I don't have any interest in my life anymore. That is major D did to me. The effects.
But, I'm trying. For sake of my life, and for people who love me. I'm struggled to live. Because I want to live and happy.