Story of Her

Credits pic from google

She lost someone today. Someone that really meaningful and precious in her life. She lost him. A person. The one that she love most. The one that she trust with whole her heart. It’s never been his fault. He do nothing to her. He just do whatever he thinks right. Right for him, for both of them. But, she can’t live with that. She need attention. More attention after what had happen last 12 years ago. That girl never get attention from anyone. Nothing else. No attention about how she felt after that happen. About what she felt after she lost the only person who care about her in this whole world. They don’t. They just don’t get it. They just felt sympathy and tried to be close. So that, they can feel relieve because they actually managed to show some humanity. To a child who lost her mother. And after that, they never ever asked about that child condition or situation anymore. Like how she can cope with this world, how her study, how she felt at all time. Never. Just once. And no more. I never said that is courtesy, a way to show that we also share the same sadness and sorrow. I called it self-fish. They just want to show the sympathy because they want to feel relieve in the end of day. And nothing more. 

Well, for that child, so sorry to say. She need to survive, struggling with her own sorrow and need to put a happy face in front of everybody. And need to keep her pain and sadness tightly in her heart. Especially in front of her younger brother and sister.  She couldn't show that, the side where she too weak to face the world without that person. Because she know that her younger brother and sister will sad. But nobody want to accompany her, swept out her tears and sorrow. All she can do is crying silently in dark room or in sleep. She couldn't show that to world, to people, because she know that world and people won’t stop walking or doing their own things just for her sadness.

Yes, that child had depression. Mentally destructed in her head and mind. She now afraid to be in crowded, or befriend with people. Because she so afraid if she might hurt people or they might hurt her. She turned herself out from conversations. Keep herself quiet and let only the important words come out from her mouth. Her father remarried. But she never want that. Her father never listen to her, what she want, what she feel. Never. Sometimes, what parents think about the best things for their own children actually can be the worst things. So, they been apart. That girl continue sick in her own depression. She only could speak less because she scared. Too scared to the world. Scared if she said something and don’t like something, they will get mad. Her father never know that. He father never want to care about it. So, that poor girl just silent. Accept with what happen to her although her heart really hate it. She tried to protest to his father but he never understand that. Instead, she been scolded by him. So, started that day, she hate him. Hate him more after she saw what happen to her mother. She never forget that until she died.

For 5 years, she in her own world. She tried so hard to get flying colour result in her big exam but she couldn't. And her father mad at her. He never want to understand her. Accused her playing all the time and not take serious about study. That girl just silent. Her heart felt so hurt and pain. She tried so hard as she can, but he never know that. She almost die, suffered with some disease that might bring her to death if she fail to treat it early. The pain, the suffer, he never know. But that girl just silent again. Crying in her heart and sleep. Missing her own mother to come and hug her. She always think that she want to die, follow her mother, to meet Allah. So that she never felt this painful, never carry this sadness any more in her life. Then, that girl start to struggle in her second big exam. She really want to go as far as she can from her house, from her family. Because she couldn't stand any longer in there. She afraid if she raise her voice when talking to her father. She don’t want to be a treason daughter. So, she sacrifice her younger brother and sister- just to go away from there. And until now, she regret it because she fail to be by her younger brother and sister side when they need her. Because she too afraid to feel pain again. She think that in another world, she can create a new her. So that no one can know about her own past, her pain, her suffer.

But, she tried. And she made it although it’s not really successful. Then, she met him. The one that she love. Really. She afraid to let he in her world because all that left is only pain, sorrow and suffer. No one want someone who had that kind of carriage. She so careful, not to let him enter into her own world but she failed. He already enter in it without she realize. So, she tried to believe him, trust him, so that he will never hurt her, just like the world did. But, her heart is too fragile. She failed. That man, the one who she love, hurt her. But, she just couldn't let him go. Because without her realize, that man, love her so much, much more after he know about her past. But, it’s too late. That girl now might ‘died’ because she have no will to live, no dream to achieve. Because the man that she fall in love was already changed, turned into someone that she never know. That man turned into someone else, been cold, and felt annoying with whatever she ask for. Like the man that she love was gone. Never exist in this world.

So, she in sad again. And she realize that it’s the time to let him go. And she need to disappear from his life. So that he can be happy with the person that he love. That man claimed to her that he love her so much. But she just can’t feel that way. Her heart already empty, crushed, and lifeless. That man never know that she is dying, day by day. Maybe one day, she will die without no one else know what exactly the reason. She died because of heart dysfunction. Her heart almost dark, blank, because there are no light to make it alive. And her heart is damage because it always been crushed. She didn't make it to treat it, she just bear pain in silent. So, she let him go. Because things get harder and harder for her to breath. He never understand that, never understand the pain. He never mean it. So, she need to let him go. Because she can’t bear to hold it any longer. She just can’t any more  Not because she don’t love him any more, it’s just, she don’t want he hurt just be by her side. She don’t want he suffer because of her pain and sorrow. She love him so much, much more that he can imagine. But, just enough. Maybe it’s the best for her, to live alone forever. Just her, and nobody else. She will never careless again.

Then, one night, that man text her...
'To be honest with you, I have never wanted to couple, I just wanted to get married. That all. But then, when I came, I fear that if I didn't couple with you, then someone else might have propose you first. That way I couple with you. I love you and wanted you to become my wife. I am struggle to full fill that from the first day we met until now. There have been no one that I've wanted her to become my wife other than you. I don't want you to be my girlfriend, but I want you to become my wife. I love you and still love you. I am going to wait for you.'

p/sAnd, it is true story about her. I saw with my own eyes. I hope she can managed to get 
      herself up and start to think for her own. No need to be people pleaser any more. It's time 
      for her to happy. Amin.

Thanks for read.  :)