i'm will be okay... don't worry..


hemmmm,

i'll be okay.. just don't worry....

that's sentences... i always keep telling people that... when they're checking on me... whether i still be like that or not... to be honest... it's really tough... tough to pretend that we're cool and steady with something tragically happen in our lives... me neither... i also feel like that... people always ask me if i'm ok or not.. and u know what i'm telling them????

that i'm just keep smile and say," i'm ok... "
that's it... if for the past couple years, i said that i'll be fine... but, now, i'm just telling them that i'm ok...

the tragic moment happen in my life... and i'm still not forget about that.. it's just like happen yesterday... losing your most beloved person in your life surely can making u crazy and lost... yeah... i'm losing that person too.. that person who is my soul and my happiness... without her in my side, i feel my life blank and empty... miserable... people don't understand that... they just looking out of the painful mirror...seeing that our situation is 'happy'... and 'trying to move on'... i most addmit that.. i also an hypocrite... hypocrite girl who just wanna smile sweetly to the world.... telling them that i am happy with my life now... that i can moved on...

but, the truth is i scared... today, i convinced myself it was okay to give up... don't take risks... state with the status quo.. no drama, now is just not that time... but my reasons aren't reasons, they're just excuses... all i'm doing is hiding the truth... and the truth is that... i'm scared... i'm scared if i let myself be happy for even one moment... the world's just going to come crushing down... and i don't know...if i can survive that... and that's the truth... i let people see my fake happy face... because i wanna they realise that i'm just a normal person... like them....

so, be like them.... and i wanna feel happy, enjoying my life... because what already happen is became the past, and what i'm feeling is just inside me, no one can feel it... and lets just the pain be mine...